you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
