Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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