Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
