Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
