Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
