I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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