just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
