Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
