Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
