If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
