I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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