what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
