god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
