ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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