What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
