he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
