So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
