just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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