I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
