i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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