why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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