If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
