it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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