Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
