I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
