can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
