You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
