I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
