Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
