Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My life is pants optional.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
