he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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