What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
