we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
