doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
