Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
