i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
