Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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