You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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