I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
