Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize