Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
