Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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