Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
