Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
