My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
