He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
