the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
