So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
