I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
