what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
