Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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