Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
