My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
