but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
