his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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