she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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