He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
