we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
