I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
