there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize