why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
