my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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