I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
