his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Come see our sink grown plant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
