I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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