I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
