apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
