How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i've created a new STD.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
