and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
