Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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