Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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