ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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