I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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