so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
