Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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