my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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