You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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