genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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