3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize