Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize