I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
