I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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