I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am available for nakedness
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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