I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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