my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
