I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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