I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
