I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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